Episode 17- Soulmates or Roommates?

Maybe your marriage feels fine on the surface.
You function well together. You divide roles. You manage life.

But underneath it all, something feels missing.

The connection feels thin. Transactional. More like roommates or business partners than two people deeply bonded at a soul level. And if you are honest, you wonder if it will ever change.

The good news is this. Deep, soulful connection does not begin with fixing your marriage. It begins with remembering who you are.

You Are a Soul First

We often forget this simple truth.

You are not a human having a spiritual experience. You are a spiritual being having a human experience.

Before roles, responsibilities, bodies, expectations, and marriages, there was a soul. And the kind of connection most women are longing for in their marriage is not created through effort or performance. It is created through soul recognition.

When we believe love must look a certain way or be proven through behavior, we unknowingly turn love into something conditional. We attach expectations, rules, and shoulds to it. That kind of love may feel exciting at first, but it does not sustain deep connection.

Soulful love is different. It is spacious. It is steady. It is not dependent on performance.

Why Connection Feels Shallow

Many women come to me feeling disconnected in their marriage, yet deeply bonded to their children. That love feels intense and consuming. But often it is driven by fear, worry, and over-responsibility rather than grounded presence.

When fear is in the driver’s seat, soulful connection is not accessible.

A dysregulated nervous system cannot access deep connection. It is too busy trying to stay safe. When the body is in survival mode, the soul goes quiet.

This is why so many marriages feel surface level. Not because love is gone, but because both partners are operating from survival instead of presence.

The First Shift Is Internal

If you want soulful connection in your marriage, the first relationship to deepen is the one you have with yourself.

You cannot connect deeply with another soul if you are disconnected from your own.

This does not require more effort. It requires more listening.

Stillness.
Time in nature.
Prayer or reflection.
Movement that feels expressive instead of productive.
Moments where you are not producing, fixing, or managing.

Your body already knows what regulates it. Your soul already knows what it needs. The work is making space to hear it.

The Cost of Conditional Love

Much of what blocks deep connection in marriage comes from the conditions we place on love.

He should help more.
He should notice me.
He should know what I need.
Our marriage should look different.

Every condition pulls us out of connection and into control.

Conditional love lives in the mind. Soulful love lives in presence.

When love becomes about meeting expectations, we stop seeing the person in front of us and start managing an idea of who they should be. That is where intimacy quietly fades.

Returning to Being Instead of Doing

Most of us are stuck in doing mode. Hustling. Managing. Over-functioning. Trying to earn rest, love, or connection.

But you were never meant to perform your way into intimacy.

You are not a human doing. You are a human being.

When you stop performing and start being, something shifts. You soften. You regulate. You listen. You remember yourself. And from that place, connection becomes natural.

Not forced. Not negotiated. Not demanded.

Felt.

Soulful Connection Is Remembering

Deep connection is not created by changing your husband.

It is created by remembering who you are beneath the roles, expectations, and noise of the world.

When you reconnect with your own soul, you naturally invite a deeper level of connection into your marriage. Not because you are trying to create it, but because you are no longer blocking it.

This kind of love is expansive. Boundaryless. Calm. Powerful.

It does not ask your partner to be different. It allows both of you to be fully yourselves.

And from there, connection becomes something you experience rather than something you chase.

If you feel called, take a quiet moment and ask yourself this simple question.

What does my soul need right now?

Listen carefully. You already know the answer.

And when you honor that, everything else begins to shift.