Episode 35: The Order of Operations in Marriage and Business

So often, we want the answer first.

We want the outcome, the result, the fix. We want the marriage to feel better. We want the business to work. We want things to calm down, line up, and finally make sense.

But just like math, life does not work without an order of operations.

When we skip steps, everything becomes reactive. We bounce from problem to problem, conversation to conversation, task to task, without a clear system. We exhaust ourselves trying to force results instead of building the foundation that makes those results possible.

Success has a sequence. And when we understand that sequence, both marriage and business become steadier, clearer, and far less overwhelming.

Why Order Matters

In math, there is a reason we follow a specific order. Parentheses come first. Then exponents. Then multiplication and division. Finally, addition and subtraction.

If you change the order, you get the wrong answer.

Marriage and business are no different. When we try to fix external problems before addressing what is happening internally, nothing truly resolves. We might feel temporary relief, but the same patterns return.

The order creates the outcome.

Step One: Parentheses, You Come First

Parentheses always come first because they hold everything else together.

In life, you are the parentheses.

Before anything can move forward, you must check in with yourself. Your emotions, your body, your needs. This is not selfish. It is essential.

This looks like asking simple but powerful questions.

What am I feeling right now
What does my body need
Am I tired, hungry, overwhelmed, anxious
What stories am I telling myself

When this step is skipped, everything becomes distorted. Conversations feel heavier. Small issues feel enormous. You react instead of respond.

Taking care of yourself first creates clarity. It stabilizes the entire equation.

Step Two: Exponents, Your Mindset Multiplies Everything

Exponents amplify whatever they touch.

Your thoughts work the same way.

The stories you repeat in your mind do not stay neutral. They multiply. Scarcity multiplies stress. Fear multiplies hesitation. Resentment multiplies distance.

The same is true for positive beliefs. Trust multiplies connection. Compassion multiplies patience. Confidence multiplies momentum.

This step is about awareness. Noticing what you are amplifying and deciding whether it is serving you.

When you shift the story, you shift the entire equation.

Step Three: Multiplication and Division, Energy and Regulation

This is where energy is either restored or depleted.

When your nervous system is dysregulated, everything feels threatening. Conversations feel harder. Decisions feel overwhelming. Creativity shuts down.

Regulation is not optional. It is required.

This looks like rest, nourishment, movement, breathing, stepping away when needed, allowing emotions to move through your body instead of suppressing them.

When your energy is cared for, it multiplies. When it is ignored, it divides.

You cannot pour into your marriage or your work from survival mode.

Step Four: Addition and Subtraction, Connection and Communication

Only after the internal work is done can you turn outward.

This is where healthy communication lives.

Instead of defensiveness, there is curiosity.
Instead of urgency, there is steadiness.
Instead of blame, there is ownership.

You add understanding and subtract misunderstanding. You lean into conversations instead of bracing against them.

This is where marriage becomes a partnership again. Where problem solving feels collaborative instead of combative.

Trying to fix your partner before doing your own work only creates more resistance. Alignment starts on your side of the equation.

Step Five: The Equal Sign, Showing Up Fully

When the order is respected, the answer becomes clear.

You show up grounded.
You show up confident.
You show up present.

Your marriage becomes a safe place to talk, to process, to grow. From that foundation, your business becomes easier to lead because you are no longer carrying unfinished internal variables.

You are no longer distracted by self doubt, emotional overwhelm, or unprocessed stress. Your focus expands outward. Your capacity grows.

This is where marriage truly becomes your greatest business asset.

The Outcome Is Not the Goal

The most surprising truth is that the answer is not the destination.

Feeling grounded, connected, and secure does not come after success. It must be created first.

When you embody steadiness now, urgency dissolves. You stop rushing toward results and start engaging fully with the process in front of you.

That presence changes everything.

When You Honor the Order, Everything Adds Up

When you slow down and follow the sequence, life becomes less chaotic and more intentional.

You trust yourself.
You trust the process.
You show up with clarity, compassion, and confidence.

The order creates the outcome.

And when you live this way, both your marriage and your business begin to support you instead of drain you.