Episode 3: You Already Know

Advice is everywhere.

Parenting books, Instagram experts, podcasts, courses, mentors, gurus — all offering the right way to do marriage, motherhood, business, faith, and life. And while guidance can be helpful, it often comes with an unintended message: someone else knows better than you.

In episode three of the Spice of Wife Podcast, we’re talking about what happens when women outsource their authority for too long — and how learning to trust yourself again can change everything about your marriage.

Because the truth is this: the wisdom you’re searching for may already be inside you.

How We Learn to Look Outside Ourselves

From a young age, most of us are taught to look up.

As children, we rely on parents and authority figures to tell us what’s right, what’s safe, and what to do next. That parent‑child dynamic is necessary early in life — but many of us never fully outgrow it.

Instead of shifting into self‑trust as adults, we carry that same dynamic into our marriages, our parenting, and our decisions. We assume someone else knows better. We wait for validation. We look outward for certainty instead of inward for truth.

Over time, this creates quiet self‑doubt.

The Cost of Not Trusting Yourself

When you don’t trust yourself, decisions feel heavy.

You over‑research. You over‑function. You second‑guess what you already feel in your body. You look to your husband, your parents, your friends, or the internet to tell you what’s okay.

And when something goes wrong, the pain often isn’t just about what happened.

It’s about the moment you knew — and didn’t listen.

That disconnect from your own inner knowing is where resentment, confusion, and frustration begin to grow.

The Parent‑Child Dynamic That Shows Up in Marriage

Many women unknowingly bring a parent‑child dynamic into adulthood.

They defer. They seek approval. They silence themselves. They believe their needs are secondary or unclear. And sometimes, they expect their husband to become the authority — the one with the answers.

But marriage isn’t meant to be hierarchical.

It’s meant to be a partnership between two adults who can trust themselves and each other.

What It Really Means to Betray Yourself

There’s a particular kind of pain that comes from ignoring your gut.

Not because someone else did something wrong — but because you knew, and you didn’t honor it.

When you silence your inner voice repeatedly, trust erodes. Not just trust in others, but trust in yourself. And rebuilding that trust starts with listening again — even when it feels uncomfortable or messy.

Because self‑trust isn’t loud. It’s often quiet. Subtle. Easy to dismiss.

Reclaiming Your Inner Authority

Becoming the expert in your own marriage doesn’t mean you never ask for help or guidance.

It means you stop giving your power away.

It means checking in with yourself before polling everyone else. It means noticing what feels off, what feels heavy, what feels misaligned — and allowing that information to matter.

Your intuition isn’t dramatic.

It’s honest.

The Shift From Obligation to Choice

Many of the roles women carry in marriage aren’t consciously chosen.

They’re inherited.

From family patterns. From cultural expectations. From what we saw growing up. From what “good wives” were supposed to do.

But awareness creates choice.

And choice creates freedom.

When you allow yourself to question what you’ve always done, you open the door to showing up differently — not from resentment, but from clarity.

Asking for What You Need (Without Attachment)

Self‑trust also changes how you ask.

You stop demanding. You stop hinting. You stop hoping someone will read your mind. Instead, you communicate clearly — without attaching your worth or emotional safety to the outcome.

Asking for help doesn’t make you weak.

It makes you honest.

And honesty builds connection.

Standing on Your Own Foundation

When you trust yourself, you stop reacting to every external opinion.

You feel more grounded. More stable. More capable of navigating hard conversations without losing yourself.

You know what you want.
You know what you don’t.
And you’re willing to say both out loud.

That foundation doesn’t make marriage perfect — but it makes it real.

You Already Know

If something feels off in your marriage, pay attention.

If something feels heavy, listen.

If something no longer fits, allow yourself to change it.

You don’t need more experts.
You don’t need more advice.
You don’t need permission.

You already know.