Episode 39: Disappointing Your Man

There is so much pressure wrapped into birthdays, holidays, and celebrations.

Pressure to make it special.
Pressure to get it right.
Pressure to make sure no one is disappointed.

And beneath all of that pressure is something deeper that rarely gets named. The fear of being loved less if we fail.

This conversation is an invitation to pause, look honestly at how we celebrate, and ask whether the way we have been doing it is actually serving us.

What Disappointment Really Brings Up

When a partner is disappointed, most of us do not just feel sadness. We feel guilt. Panic. Shame. A sense of failure.

There is often an unconscious belief that disappointment puts love at risk. That if we do not perform well enough, we might lose connection, approval, or belonging.

This fear drives so much overfunctioning. Overgiving. Overplanning. Overperforming.

And none of it actually guarantees the outcome we are chasing.

A Real Birthday That Did Not Go as Planned

Sometimes the clearest lessons come from the messiest moments.

A birthday that began with tears, chaos, and overstimulated kids did not magically turn into a picture perfect day. Money felt tight. Plans shifted. Everyone was tired. Dinner was tense. Expectations went unmet.

And yet, this was not a failure.

It was real life.

The discomfort did not come from the events themselves. It came from the belief that the day was supposed to look different, and that it meant something about worth, effort, or love.

Why We Overdo Celebrations

Many of us learned early that effort equals safety.

If we do enough, give enough, plan enough, then we do not have to feel disappointment. We do not have to sit with regret or guilt. We do not have to face the possibility that we are not in control of how others feel.

But celebrations done from frantic energy are not about love. They are about self protection.

When the goal is avoiding disappointment, connection is lost.

Cutting the Cords and Calling Your Power Back

There is an image that changes everything.

Imagine all the invisible cords connecting you to everyone else. Their expectations. Their reactions. Their feelings. Their approval.

Now imagine cutting those cords.

Calling your power back does not mean you stop caring. It means you stop outsourcing your worth.

When you are no longer acting to manage other people’s emotions, you get to choose how you want to celebrate. You get to act from intention instead of fear.

Rethinking What Celebration Actually Is

Celebration is not the reaction someone has.

Celebration is the energy you put into something. The presence. The love. The intention.

When you write a card, wrap a gift, plan a moment, or even sit quietly with someone, that is the celebration. What happens afterward is out of your control.

Tying your joy to another person’s response guarantees disappointment. Letting the act itself be enough brings freedom.

Learning to Feel Disappointment Instead of Avoiding It

Disappointment is not dangerous. It is uncomfortable, but it is survivable.

When you allow yourself to feel it fully, without rushing past it or fixing it, it loses its power. You stop being afraid of it.

And when you are no longer afraid of disappointment, you stop overfunctioning.

You stop performing.
You stop forcing outcomes.
You start showing up honestly.

That is where real connection lives.

Presence Is the Greatest Gift

The most meaningful moment of the day did not come from a plan or a perfect outcome.

It came from a quiet moment late at night. A candle on leftover cake. No pretending. No fixing. Just presence.

Nothing was wrong in that moment. It was real. And it was enough.

Presence allows joy and disappointment to coexist. It allows love without conditions.

What This Changes Moving Forward

When you stop needing everything to go perfectly, you get your life back.

Birthdays become human again.
Holidays become softer.
Connection becomes possible.

You get to be okay even when things are not okay. You get to open your arms to whatever is happening instead of resisting it.

This is what real life looks like. Messy. Imperfect. Honest.

And nothing has gone wrong.