Episode 87: Meditation With Brooke

Meditation Isn’t the Absence of Thoughts. It’s the Practice of Being With Yourself.

You don’t have to quiet your mind, eliminate distractions, or become a perfectly peaceful person to experience the benefits of meditation. You just have to learn how to be with yourself.

I think a lot of women have an idea of what meditation is supposed to look like.

You sit down, close your eyes, and suddenly your mind is quiet. You feel peaceful. You’re completely present. Nothing bothers you. You’re basically a human version of a candle burning in a perfectly clean yoga studio.

Then you try it.

Thirty seconds later, you’re thinking about the laundry, your grocery list, the thing you forgot to do yesterday, and the seventeen other things you need to accomplish before the day is over.

You open your eyes and think, Well, I’m terrible at this. I can’t meditate. My brain doesn’t shut off.

But here’s what I want you to understand:

Meditation is not the absence of thoughts. It’s the practice of noticing that you’re having thoughts.

It’s the practice of awareness. Of witnessing yourself and what you’re experiencing without immediately needing to fix, change, solve, produce, or accomplish anything.

And that changes everything.

You’re Not Doing It Wrong

When we think about meditation, we often imagine the perfect environment: a quiet room, a yoga mat, a comfortable position, and absolutely no distractions.

Sometimes we get those moments of stillness. But the real practice begins when the distractions show up.

The dog starts barking. The kids are screaming. Someone is talking in the next room. Your brain is running through your to-do list at a hundred miles an hour.

You notice yourself thinking, I can’t even get five minutes of peace.

And then you notice that thought, too.

Instead of judging yourself for being distracted, you simply acknowledge what’s happening. You don’t have to make the thought disappear. You don’t have to criticize yourself for having it.

You just notice.

The distractions aren’t necessarily interruptions to meditation. They can become part of the practice.

Meditation is the practice of feeling safe in your own thoughts, your own body, and your own emotions.

You can do it sitting in your living room, lying in bed, walking outside, or washing dishes. You can practice in a quiet room, but you can also practice in the middle of a noisy, chaotic day.

You don’t need perfect conditions. You need a willingness to be present with yourself.

Stop Trying to Fix Every Feeling

One of the things I notice when I first start working with clients is how uncomfortable they can be with simply being in their own bodies.

They want to think, talk, explain, complain, vent, and solve. They want to tell me everything that happened, why it happened, what the other person did wrong, and how they think the problem should be fixed.

And sometimes, talking through a problem is useful. But there comes a point when repeating the story doesn’t actually help you move forward.

You keep talking about the problem. You keep trying to fix the problem. You keep getting frustrated that the problem is still there.

But what if, instead of trying to solve it immediately, you allowed yourself to experience the feeling attached to it?

What if you sat with the frustration? The disappointment? The anxiety? The discomfort of not knowing what to do next?

Not because you want to stay there forever, but because you’re willing to acknowledge what’s happening instead of immediately running away from it.

That’s part of the practice.

Sometimes we feel stuck because we’re so busy trying to get away from what we feel that we never actually allow ourselves to experience it.

We’re uncomfortable, so we distract ourselves. We’re anxious, so we try to make the anxiety disappear. We’re overwhelmed, so we start cleaning, working, organizing, or finding something else to do.

We treat every uncomfortable emotion like an emergency that needs to be resolved.

But an emotion can be present without requiring immediate action.

You can feel frustrated without snapping at your husband. You can feel overwhelmed without immediately trying to control everything around you. You can feel anxious without making the elimination of anxiety your next project.

You can simply acknowledge, This is hard. This is what I’m feeling right now.

And allow yourself to be there.

Creating Space Between What Happens and How You Respond

One of the most powerful things meditation teaches us is how to witness our own humanity.

So much of our lives are spent reacting to what happens around us.

The dog barks, and we get irritated. The kids start screaming, and we lose our patience. Our husband says something that bothers us, and we immediately respond from that irritation.

Something happens, we experience a feeling, and we react.

Meditation gives us an opportunity to notice that process.

We begin to recognize the space between the stimulus and our response. We learn that we can experience a feeling without automatically acting on it.

Imagine being able to notice that you’re irritated with your husband without making him responsible for the irritation. Imagine being able to sit with discomfort without deciding that someone needs to do something to make it go away.

That doesn’t mean you ignore problems, tolerate behavior that needs to change, or pretend you aren’t upset.

It means you have more choice in how you respond.

Instead of reacting immediately, you can pause long enough to understand what’s happening inside you. You can decide how you want to show up rather than letting the emotion make the decision for you.

This is especially powerful in our marriages and relationships.

The more aware we become of our internal experiences, the more room we create for patience, connection, and intentional responses.

And you don’t have to become exceptionally good at meditation to experience those benefits.

You aren’t meditating to become a different person. You’re meditating to become more present with the person you already are.

A Simple Meditation Practice

You don’t need to meditate for an hour. You don’t need special music or a perfectly quiet environment.

Start with five minutes. If five minutes feels like too much, start with thirty seconds.

The goal isn’t to force yourself to become calm or to get rid of your thoughts. The goal is simply to be with yourself.

1. Find a comfortable position

Sit in a chair, sit on the floor, lie down, or remain wherever you are.

I like to place my feet on the floor and notice how my body is supported. Sometimes I turn my palms upward when I want to focus on receiving, or place them downward when I want a greater sense of grounding.

There’s no perfect position. Choose what feels comfortable and safe for you.

Take a slow, gentle breath in. Pause briefly at the top, then release it.

2. Notice your body

Bring your attention to the places where your body makes contact with whatever is supporting you.

Notice your feet, your legs, your back, and your shoulders.

How does your body feel right now?

Not how you wish it felt. Not how you think it should feel. Just how it actually feels.

You don’t need to change anything.

3. Notice the sounds around you

Listen to what’s happening in your environment.

Maybe you hear a washing machine, someone talking, cars passing outside, a fan, the heating system, or a dog barking. Maybe it’s quiet enough that you notice a faint ringing in your ears.

Simply notice.

If a sound distracts you, let it become part of the experience. You don’t need to fight it or judge yourself for noticing it.

Keep breathing.

4. Notice your thoughts

Bring your attention to your mind.

What are you thinking about?

Maybe you’re remembering something you need to do. Maybe you’re wondering how much longer this will take. Maybe you’re thinking, I don’t know if I’m doing this right.

Notice the thought without judging it.

I like to think of thoughts as clouds passing through the sky. We don’t have to chase the clouds away, and we don’t have to hold on to them. We simply notice them coming and going.

Your thoughts can come and go while you remain present.

Nothing has gone wrong. You’re practicing awareness.

5. Notice your emotions

Now bring your attention back to your body and notice whether any emotions are present.

Maybe you feel peaceful, anxious, tired, frustrated, excited, or overwhelmed. Maybe you feel numb, or you can’t quite identify what you’re feeling.

That’s okay, too.

If you can identify an emotion, get curious about where you experience it in your body.

Do you feel tightness in your chest? A constriction in your throat? Butterflies in your stomach? Tension in your shoulders? Is your jaw clenched?

Does the sensation feel hot or cold, heavy or light, tight or spacious?

You aren’t trying to change the emotion. You aren’t trying to make it disappear or figure out exactly why it’s there.

You’re simply witnessing what’s already happening inside you.

You can be with yourself, right here and right now, without needing to solve anything.

6. Practice self-acceptance

If it feels comfortable, repeat these words silently to yourself:

I am safe. I am loved. I am okay.

I can love and accept wherever I am.

I can love and accept myself.

I can love and accept my thoughts.

I can love and accept my feelings.

I can love and accept myself right where I am.

You don’t have to force yourself to feel a particular way. Just give yourself a moment to sit with those words.

Bring your attention back to your breath. Notice the air entering your body and the air leaving it.

Your body already knows how to breathe.

And when your mind wanders, notice where it went and gently bring your attention back.

Then do it again.

And again.

And again.

That is the practice.

Take one more gentle breath. As you exhale, allow yourself to release whatever tension you can without forcing anything.

When you’re ready, wiggle your fingers and toes and gently open your eyes.

That’s it. You’ve meditated.

You Can Practice Anywhere

When I first started meditating, I listened to other people's guided meditations. Having someone else talk me through the experience helped me stay focused, especially because sitting quietly with myself felt awkward in the beginning.

Over time, I became more comfortable practicing on my own.

Now I can meditate without music or someone guiding me. I can do it by myself, while praying, or in little moments throughout the day.

I want you to understand that you don’t need to make meditation complicated. There are no rigid rules about where or when you have to do it.

You can start with thirty seconds in the morning.

One thing I like to do is put a little peppermint oil on my wrists, behind my ears, and on my temples. I cup my hands, breathe in the scent, and take a moment to connect with how I want to feel.

I might repeat a mantra such as:

I am love. I am light. I am safe, and I am okay.

I come from greatness. I am greatness, and I attract greatness to me.

Your mantra might be completely different. Choose words that feel meaningful to you and aligned with the person you want to be.

Take a moment to breathe, experience those words, and be present with yourself.

You don’t need to follow someone else’s rules. You’re building a practice that helps you connect with your own experience.

The More Present You Are With Yourself, the More Present You Can Be With Others

Ultimately, one of the reasons I love this practice so much is that it doesn't stop with us.

The more opportunities we create to be present with ourselves, the more opportunities we create to be present with the people we love.

I recently shared something online about one of my children experiencing some really big emotions.

Instead of trying to convince my child to feel differently or telling them to stop being scared, I chose to witness them.

I lay with them. I sat with them. I made space for their experience instead of trying to change it.

I didn't need to make the emotion disappear to be there for my child.

I could simply allow them to have their human experience and let them know they weren't alone in it.

That's where so much good happens.

We often think that loving someone means helping them feel better as quickly as possible. When someone we love is upset, we want to fix it. We want to reassure them, explain why they shouldn't feel that way, or tell them everything will be okay.

Sometimes those things are helpful. But sometimes the most loving thing we can do is stop trying to change someone's experience and simply be present with them.

Meditation helps us practice that presence with ourselves first.

We learn to sit with our own discomfort, recognize our own emotions, and allow ourselves to be human. And the more comfortable we become with our own experiences, the more room we can create for the experiences of others.

That means more patience with our children. More connection with our partners. More intimacy in our relationships. More opportunities to respond with love instead of reacting from frustration.

We aren't practicing meditation because we want to escape our lives.

We're practicing because we want to be more fully present in them.

You Don’t Have to Become Someone Else

You don't have to eliminate every negative thought. You don't have to become perfectly calm. You don't have to wait until your life is quiet enough to finally turn inward.

Your mind will wander. You'll feel frustrated. You'll get distracted. Some days, sitting still for thirty seconds might feel uncomfortable.

None of that means you're failing.

Every time you notice a thought instead of automatically following it, you're practicing.

Every time you acknowledge a feeling instead of immediately trying to make it disappear, you're practicing.

Every time you pause and give yourself the chance to respond intentionally rather than react automatically, you're practicing.

And every time you make space for someone you love to experience their own emotions without trying to fix them, you're putting that practice into action.

You can start small. You can practice for a few minutes in the morning or take a single intentional breath in the middle of a chaotic afternoon.

You don't need to do it perfectly. You just need to return to yourself, over and over again.

Because the more present you become with yourself, the more present you can become with the people you love.

And that's where more love, more connection, more intimacy, and more life begin to show up.

You don't need to become a different person to experience those things.

You just need to practice being with the person you already are.